you have no idea how frequent you passed through my mind for the entire day. thinking about how are you doing, imagining what shirt you are wearing, visualizing the food are you eating, virtually attending the same class you are in.
you have no idea how much i wanted your presence. your smell that clouds the atmosphere, comforting me in a way nobody does. your gaze that buries me in the deep of a mirage, only you and i can enter. your touch that never fails to make me swoon in utter glee.
you have no idea how much future I have consciously built with you in it. Our side and back yard with your garage and court. Our bedroom with the enormous bathroom. Our travels in Peru and Russia. You teaching me how to drive, even if I don’t want to. You leaving for abroad, and me going after you.
you have no idea how much i wanted for you to be the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. The one who will hold my hand, engulf me in the biggest and warmest hugs, kiss me til who knows when. The person who will be with me til gray dominates my head. til I reach six feet under.
you also have no idea how much I worry if you even have the slightest thought of me the entire time we aren’t talking.
you have no idea that I always feel like a burden, a heavy load which slows you down in whatever it is that you’re doing.
you have no idea how massive the pain is to receive all those bladed words every time a bicker starts. How heavy it gets when you shoot me at the same wound. How excruciating it is to take everything you’re throwing at me, when all the time I wanted to heal yours.
you have no idea how hard it is to continue imagining myself with you in the future when all the time it is my hopeless case you are thinking of. How you make it seem like you have continuously given up on me. How you remind me how bad of a person that I am.
You have no idea how much I can sacrifice. You have no idea how much pain I can still take.
I think I do now