Open Letter, 07Sept2018

Dearest Sir, Good day! So, today huh? Well, as much as I want to deny the fact that I, too, marveled about that exclusive talk at the back of that bus, with smuggled chocolates and fluffed hello kitty pillow on my seat, I obviously cannot. I remember it like a declamation peace I am about … Continue reading Open Letter, 07Sept2018

back at it

I really have no idea how to begin - It has been the best journey yet and all I can say is that I am truly deeply and wholly grateful for everything that has happened, for everything I learned, for everything I have acquired, and for everything I have come to be. I just want … Continue reading back at it

see you soonest

Hi! I just want  to take this opportunity to thank you. For being the one for me, and more. For this love greater than I could ever have prayed for. I just want you to know that I am ready for you. I am ready to take this leap again (and for the final time!). I am … Continue reading see you soonest


After swearing to never give up on pushing for things to work out, there will come a time (length may vary) that you will have a good hold of your consciousness and realize that there really are things you cannot force. There will come a day that you will wake up and tell yourself that … Continue reading PHASE 5: LET GO AND LET GOD


This stage is an optional little whole where some or most people choose (I repeat, choose) to squish themselves into. Right after facing the fact that it was you who shattered this relationship into dust, you cannot just allow it to just be blown by the wind and vanish to thin air. You cannot just … Continue reading PHASE 4.5: BEG-IN THE END

PHASE 4: Waive Goodbye

This is the part when you get exhausted of too much dead weight in your heart that you have come to realize what you have been dreading all this time; you have gotten ill of the massive load you are shouldering this entire time, that you now choose to do what you never did in … Continue reading PHASE 4: Waive Goodbye

PHASE 3: Release the kraken

This is where you, again, ask the questions from the previous stage—in a whole different level of intensity. That after you have come to supposedly realize everything you need to, WHY. THE. FUCKING. HELL. You are mad about everything. Every inch of your body screams anger at every possible person you come across with. Every … Continue reading PHASE 3: Release the kraken

PHASE 2: Doubt shall not kill.

This phase is most of the times inhabited simultaneously, with phase one. Here, you start to distrust yourself and ask tons and tons of questions—questions you thought you had answers, but after being left behind, had such blur you cannot easily sharpen. Do I really not deserve to be fought for? Have I not really … Continue reading PHASE 2: Doubt shall not kill.

to the guy who i will love for the rest of my life

I can never thank God enough for bringing you into my life. For letting me experience this one of a kind sense of belongingness—that I came to be an essential piece of something other than my own puzzle; that I was able to enter a bubble that is not mine. I am more than grateful … Continue reading to the guy who i will love for the rest of my life

thank you <3

august 30 ko pa yan sinulat. sa room 36 ng paapat nating tirahan na magkakasama. nakaside view ako nun kay joyce. nagla-lap top habang nag aaral sya. ayoko mabasa nya ginagawa ko sa chaka naiiyak ako e. hahaha arte. pero gets, never akong nag alala sa kahit sino sa atin kase ganon ako ka-sure na lahat tayo … Continue reading thank you <3


I didn't think it would be this painful-- to have lost something I always thought, dreamed, and claimed was ours. The pain is excruciating that I cannot help but cry. No, weep-- weep until I lost my consciousness to sleep. Words aren't enough to possibly sum up everything that is happening in my nervous system … Continue reading bare

to my beloved valentine 

dear you, since the first time we celebrated this time of the year when we first held hands, to the second one when we got official, to the third when we splurged and ended up in food coma, to this year when I thought we wouldn't even have any-- i have never loved you less. … Continue reading to my beloved valentine 


thankyou for the constant reminder that my heart still works. thankyou for helping me discover different faces I didnt know I can make. thankyou for not fitting inside the stereotyped circle of daddies. thankyou for engulfing me into your out-of-this-world care. thankyou for teaching me to learn how to calm down when you get into … Continue reading loved!

cant feel my face

i cannot claim what's really not mine. but as i drown in utter blessing where i clearly cannot breathe, i can do nothing but paddle my soul, out with overwhelming gratefulness--and overcome whatever it is hindering me to swim across this sea. His awesomeness never fails to fill my being--fuller and fuller. thankYousomuchpoLord! *wordsnomore CHEERS!

whatever, i guess

“thanks babe. i should [probably] really start to care less” “no it’s not that. it’s the best thing about you. don’t change the way you are just because others cannot do as you do.” it’s funny how i can easily wipe out blank my sketches for the day, just so i can scribble a few … Continue reading whatever, i guess


be brave. even if you’re not, pretend to be. no one can tell the difference. — jackson brown jr. have you ever built this sort of façade of pseudo-bravery (redundancy for emphasis!) which you cannot really seem to bring down? it’s like something you summoned from some world in exchange of your, i don’t know, … Continue reading pseudo-superman

to the guy i (not really)secretly loved all throughout (not only)highschool

saw this post in and thought to write my own version *wink i was not shocked when i saw your name on the list of my freshman class. believe it or not, i had a dream about it. and yes, it was destiny dream come true kinda cool. after all, we were well acquainted in elementary. … Continue reading to the guy i (not really)secretly loved all throughout (not only)highschool

you won’t ever be alone <3

things are really not like before. and im glad they no longer are :) and if you hurt me, that's okay babyy only words bleed. thanks for helping me be the happier me. even if i would try my hardest to deny and null this fact--the truth is, you are one of the reasons … Continue reading you won’t ever be alone <3

ah, love

im currently bathing in overwhelming shower of wonder and i just wish everybody else could share this feels with me. the hues are of perfect contrast, sharpness intact, and brightness spot on. the chilly breeze dances with the sun's rage, bringing about the perf environment to be in. vibrant glow in both cheeks are remarkably present despite … Continue reading ah, love

twenty (mutant) and proud!

i can never thank God enough for all the blessings He has been giving me the past two decades: for the unending affection, for the perpetual guidance, for the countless chances. words can never tantamount to how much my heart is flooded with utter joy and gratitude. i am well aware that i do not … Continue reading twenty (mutant) and proud!

wake up (repost)

/a post from way back may3,2011 admit it, love wont always give you what you want. and some end of the day, some jerk will just knock on your door, steal your heart and tear it out in the open. and most of the times you can’t fucking do anything about it besides cry and … Continue reading wake up (repost)


nothing's worse than drowning in the pool of your own illusion. you cannot fight it, the only choice youve got is to let go, and let the buoyancy of reality push you up beyond your make- minute you get to feel this warming sense that embraces your entirety--one too familiar feeling. another minute passes and … Continue reading afloat

may i say something stupid?

of course not. i am not entitled to something i would regret saying. i do not deserve to share my thoughts and blabber about something petty. no one has to read anything i get to say because then i am just subconsciously and un-rightfully giving you the privilege to judge me and slap me virtually and internally, and … Continue reading may i say something stupid?

what’s with bruises anyway

bruises are like wounds but not. they make you feel their presence. all of a sudden you've got some purple/green/yellow/dark hued spot of pang stuck somewhere in your kick-ass bod. but no, you do not really know every reason of their appearance. some, yes; some, you just noticed as you belt out mankind's favorite love … Continue reading what’s with bruises anyway

blue but not really

prom last night was fun. there may have been a little interruption in the program, i believe people nonetheless enjoyed the night. i was kinda the messy emcee that night, apologies :( that was why i didnt really get much photos with my classmates--well except for a few, and of course---the obligatory selfies like this … Continue reading blue but not really

there’s just top one, and it’s you.

can i just say how heart-breaking it is to watch the seventeenth episode of the all-time most awesome series in the entire seriesdom for the fourth time? ted was, is, and will forever be the sweetest most awesome hopeless romantic guy of all creatures and it destroys me how badly he is in love with … Continue reading there’s just top one, and it’s you.

it’s the age-old story how an evil boy meets an evil girl

this is from my favorite episode of Phineas and Ferb and i felt like sharing it with all of the evil lovers (like us) out there. *evil laugh*   (awesome lyrics:) Doofenshmirtz: Love was once a crazy dream, Now it's my new evil scheme Doofenshmirtz's girlfriend: And I'm as happy as can be! … Continue reading it’s the age-old story how an evil boy meets an evil girl

extra cheese please

branches may let go from the grip of their leaves; the sun may choose to dwell behind the clouds. grasses may refuse to emerge in the surface; worms may burrow right down to the core. petals may be shy to dance as the wind forgets its rhythm. dogs may start meowing, birds barking. dinosaurs may … Continue reading extra cheese please


so is this the famous feeling everybody's been blabbing about? this insanely bothersome sense which pretty much creeps into the twist and turns of the veins in your entire system? this unexplainable shit that dwells inside your chest which keeps your brain from thinking straight? this awkwardly awful cut that burrows down your core and takes your rationale away? no it's not. … Continue reading unfair


... THREE POUNDS. WHAT. thankyou, for the cooperation, body. blah. so i have moved on. okay. weight is just a number. my fats turned into muscles which are probably (please be) heavier. and haha, who am i kidding. i eat when im bored and i dont have discipline (whyyy, dammit). but it's been a little more … Continue reading madness

is this the real life?

is this just fantasy? so how in the world would one know if another human being (excluding the first degree relatives, of course haha) love another? idk i have been thinking, maybe nobody could really tell. some people say through words and actions. of course. but what if everything is just a play a certain … Continue reading is this the real life?


i dont know about you, but i'm feeling twenty two but about me, i know *insert say-whut-now-face*. starting this morning, good vibes have been totally aloof and i have been bombarded by annoying, irritating stuff and, well, it sucks. uuuuuuuuuuuuugh. see, i found out just recently that i have lost something. one of the things i treasure, … Continue reading bananas

totally fine

it sucks not knowing how to fill this gap that has been expanding. with every moment comes that burrowing, piercing hole. instead of stuffing it with the truth, (or maybe releasing the utter pang from this raw gash) i seal it inside with a cap of pretense, of hypocrisy.     no cheers </3       … Continue reading totally fine

true story.

there are tons of things a man can do to get into a woman's heart. for starters, he can give her the material shits like chocolates, flowers, stuffed animals, diamonds--- moreover fill her with all the delicious treats money can buy (foooooood. whatthefreakinelse). another of course, is by offering her genuine and unconditional understanding, patience, … Continue reading true story.


"no body comes into your life by mere coincidence" -timothy leary it has been that long and youre still there, patiently waiting (or are you? mehe). as a matter of fact, i have thought of countless moments when id swear you would have gotten tired of all these bullshits and eventually choose to do what … Continue reading 223

wait for it-

of course. the pain is excruciating. indeed, simple damn words can really cut anybody like hell--- well, me, at the very least. maybe i over reacted for the nth time. maybe i was just at the peak of my emotions again (i was really really hyperactive at that moment), that even a single puff of air could … Continue reading wait for it-

drummer boy

it wasn't cold nor hot. the temperature did not matter. it was a little bit dark with dancing lights of red, blue, yellow, green and white. the stage is quite a sight. but neither did it matter. boredom is in fact an understatement at that moment-- until my left shoulder caught that strange, but too familiar feeling. my cousin seating on my … Continue reading drummer boy

the fugly truth

the truth is, i would really like it if you and I would be friends, best friends even. for us to be the ones who'll be there for each other whenever we need someone. the ones who know every joy, pain, love, heartache and/or secret we have. for me to be your closest friend, the one who'll be the first one you'll run to … Continue reading the fugly truth

hi, mango juice.

nothing beats the weirdness of lifting up your eyelids and suddenly a strange room greets you a crisp, freezing good morning. yet, after a few seconds of your brains adjusting, realizing you are not lost or some kind of captivated into somewhere youve never been, your lips stretches themselves into a wide grin--- knowing youre up … Continue reading hi, mango juice.

on air.

the window, two seats from my left, shoots a magnificent view of both greenland and lit-aquamarine waters. a small small view, an isle and three seats to my right, casts the red-orange-yellow-green-blue-indigo-violet-strip of light, dividing the vast plain of farm yard hued in different shades of green. i then looked straight at me, the gray seat blurring, … Continue reading on air.

damn worth it.

head ache. nausea. weightloss. dizziness. sore eyes. oh and don't forget the paper cuts, bruises and muscle pains here and there. yep, that's me alright. and hell, i still got the balls to even face this beaming screen (with squinting eyes. ha!) in front of me and type in keys which practically produces that silent voice … Continue reading damn worth it.

keep calm and be nice.

so i was stumbling upon this website to further my inflamed emotions (i do this a lot. hahaha), perhaps help me rearrange my thoughts, and possibly put them into one composition far from ambiguity--- this one utterly slapped me right across my chubby cheeks. Don't be yourself. Be someone a little nicer. — Mignon McLaughlin well, thankyou. makes perfect … Continue reading keep calm and be nice.


i play hard to get.   every bit of your effort, carefully counted; each bead of your sweat, cautiously recorded; an obvious persistence, precisely verified.   you are learning, congratulations.        anybody having a hard time undressing those babies? well, i share your pain. haha, cheers! :D


can a boy and a girl really be just-friends? a question i have been pondering on since time immemorial. haha. meh, i was just overwhelmed with all the cliches in the world involving that controversial friendship between a man and a woman. come on, i know, one way or another, you too have been on a … Continue reading just-friends.

survive now, cry later.

because of all the luxury in life mocking me with their absence in this awesome existence of mine, i got this. i got myself trapped in the deep of this mad spell controlling my  entirety. i got myself here, living behind these concrete bars, brimful of golden rust--- intense confinement, strict surveillance. now, i succumb to … Continue reading survive now, cry later.

micro sd

the darkest of clouds pull together, moving as one, to bring the greatest deluge there could possibly be; the trees dance in hostile, waving their branches in distress; birds start to escape and hide in the deepest sheets of their nooks; the enraged wind is attacking, and the ground is collapsing right before my very … Continue reading micro sd


for the nth time, i'm gonna start this post mentioning how funny things are. but this time, no mock will mask the following words; no puns will be intended; no thoughts will be coated by sarcasm.   if we crawl 'til we can walk again, then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump. then we'll … Continue reading solved.


i can pretend that i'm not lonely, but i'll be constantly fool of myself. i can pretend that it dont matter, but i'll be sitting here, lying to myself. it's funny when one minute i'm seriously okay-- happy even-- with what's happening, the next minute i'm devastated as hell. it's hilarious how my emotions can utterly … Continue reading overdosed.


in order to know the unknown, reveal what's hidden, find out what is in store; to understand the ambiguous, comprehend what's vague, and clear what is uncertain; people do what?  nothing  people ask--- we inquire. we utter those words in some sort of ascending intonation, and wait for the respective response, which of course may … Continue reading DENSE.

we should talk.

thus three of the most frightening words when put into a single sentence; words that could automatically bring chills down your spine just after your brains process and eventually let you know what it means; three words gathered in one mere thought that could make your knees tremble, stomach grumble and chest pound like crazy, … Continue reading we should talk.

would you hurt the man that loves you?

people go to hospitals. we drink our meds, inject anesthesia, take in drugs, drink beer, smoke weed, do whatever. why? well, simple: because we feel like it.  because we have to.  because nobody likes being in pain--- because in doing so, we prevent the aches, stop the hurting, and just forget about that sting even for a … Continue reading would you hurt the man that loves you?

love is love.

no, this is not about some random babble about my crazy love life (haha). after eight days of repeatedly opening this blog, just staring at this then-blank-page-bright-lit-monitor, i have yet succumbed to well, maybe writer's block. i have been planning to share this some two weeks ago and i guess i just cant find the perfect … Continue reading love is love.

awesome ambiance is awesome.

make a wish, baby, and i will make it come true. make a list, baby, of the things i'll do for you. aint no risk now, let my love rain down  on you. so we could wash away the past. so that we may start anew. just one of my fave songs of Ambrosia--- a … Continue reading awesome ambiance is awesome.

bright lights.

dont try to understand everything. because sometimes, things are not meant to be understood but to be accepted. it's really sad to see people live a miserable-make-believe life (bear with me, i myself cant find the rightful words to say. haha).yes, life brings about bullshits and craps one after another. but all of them should … Continue reading bright lights.


the greatest feeling in life is to find someone who knows your faults and weaknesses but is still willing to embrace you with so much love without a doubt. indeed. well, not that i have felt this from some sort of man in my life; not ever, not yet; i'm not letting anyone--or my self … Continue reading someday.


i'm badly in need of some sort of virtual hug right now. after a long day of ecstatic words and thoughts overflowing in my then dried stream of thoughts, i have but been drained with just a single click. drained in a sense where in i cant think of anything. only these damned words to … Continue reading please.

i think too much.

i guess that's one of the major problems i'm trying to solve in the past few years of my life--- i overthink things. even the least that could have gotten my attention seems to bother me for an unreasonable span of time. it's like something about everything screams and pierces deep into my being, telling … Continue reading i think too much.


i never thought id have the courage to click that blue rounded publish button. but i did. and i did it for the sake of selfish reasons: to release stress, pain, and everything else that goes with it. but no, i did not bother thinking about the consequences that post might bring. the bottom line is? i … Continue reading raw


my eyes wander in serenity. your perfectly sculpted face, in sight. side by side we stroll these lonely streets lighting as we pass by, our fingers intertwined. my smile stretches from my left ear to right, this untamable beating rocking my entirety.   and with just one blink, you’ve vanished.           … Continue reading guni-guni

turning tables.

five things: adele is freakin awesome. i won't let you close enough to hurt me. i won't rescue you to just desert me. i can't give you the heart you think you gave me.  i have no idea what turning tables mean. mihehe cheers?♥


every beat of this pounding hub chases the silent flow of this scarlet stream. each trickle of this thick fluid shrieks open the walls of my fragile entirety, running off a hole of never ending ache. but i will recover, watch me.         cheers?♥

fair enough.

i always tell myself not to make poems, short stories--- any form of literary articles--- not even a simple essay or blog post of some sort which is specifically dedicated to some man (well of course excluding Him, my dad and my little bro). but for some reason, i cant seem to stop this bombarding … Continue reading fair enough.

false witness

i hate it when people act like theyre some sort of innocent beings, just wandering around, unaware of whats happening in this crazy ass world. i hate it when they pretend to know nothing about whats going on. i hate it when they do those , just so they could excuse, or maybe hide themselves from that … Continue reading false witness


it's always a sucky feeling to go on and live the day just keeping everything to myself. i have this utter need to say everything that's inside my chaotic mind-- it's my therapy. it sucks that i have all these hundreds and thousands of random ideas, thoughts and opinions which i can not simply blurt … Continue reading shtload.

if you don’t have a smile, let me give you one of mine.

smile is one of the most amazing things man has discovered. and lately, people have mastered putting this up front, trying to show the whole world that despite all the bullshits life brings, everything's fine--which is of course natural. because genuine or not, smile gives off this utter vibrance to every one that catches a sight … Continue reading if you don’t have a smile, let me give you one of mine.

well done, You. :)

there will always be moments in our lives wherein we find ourselves wanting things that we cannot have-- more so, people, that are not genetically engineered to be with us. of course it hurts, because at some point we're going to think about obnoxious things like whats wrong with us, or, what does he/she has that i dont, or that silly … Continue reading well done, You. :)

shot clock

  nothing fills my mind but the hoop hanging in that flat brown wood. my breathing digs deeper every time i visualize. my pulse curses with massive thuds, reverberating in the whole court. i need to let go of this, before it’s too late.           cheers!♥  

never found a love like this.

true love waits, huh? well mine doesn't. my true love is demanding and stubborn. he's very much impatient--- he wants me all to himself whenever he's present. and if i get distracted, even for a few seconds, he'll make sure that i'll pay for it: he'd be ignoring me all day and practically offers himself to … Continue reading never found a love like this.

thou shall not.

'cause God made another one of me-- to love you better than i ever will. thus the particular words i've been singing over and over, and over again. i don't know. maybe because, it speaks of the decorum   which i have implemented since i discovered my utter insanity: the unmentioned, unwritten law   i passed from … Continue reading thou shall not.